No One Ever Asks to Be Raped

Several years ago, when I lived in Syracuse, NY, I volunteered for the Rape Crisis Center. I don't remember why I decided to do it, but I guess I was compelled. After a couple weekends of training, we were put on the calendar. As a volunteer, my job was to be on call after hours, so the (under)paid counselors could get a break. If any calls came in on the hot line, it was my job to talk and listen to her. Talk them out of suicide if I saw the signs. All the while making sure my phone number didn't show up on their caller ID.

The other half of my job was a bit more difficult. When a rape victim came into the hospital after hours, a volunteer advocate would sit with her (and her family if they were there) throughout the entire process. From waiting in the ER, to having a rape kit administered, to talking to doctors & nurses, as well as being released from the hospital. This process could take anywhere from a couple hours to all night.

Most nights I was on call were pretty uneventful. If I was "lucky" I got one or two calls. Maybe I would get a call to visit the hospital. It was never convenient for me when calls came in. The nights I had no plans, I wouldn't receive any calls. The nights I wanted to go out with my friends, I'd get called to the hospital. I couldn't talk about any of the calls or cases with my friends--it wasn't one of those volunteer work you did for the attention. Usually I would have no idea what happened to the callers after I spoke with them. You couldn't get emotionally attached.

Of course, if the victim did not want me there, I did not stay. Almost always, I stayed. There was no "type" of rape victim. I held hands with teenagers; women in their 30s, 50s, older; mentally disabled; and, the hardest for me, a 12 year old.

I haven't thought this volunteer job in years. Reading Anita Shreve's Testimony brought it all back. It's my first time reading one of Shreve's books, and I'm only halfway through this one. A sex scandal at an elite private boarding school is told from the points of view by all those affected.

It's a sad story. A fourteen year old girl is taped engaging in sexual acts with 3 other students, 2 of the boys are over eighteen. In most states, that's statutory rape. What really bugged me was that several characters (men and women) in novel, blamed the young girl. A vixen, one of the boys' father called her. She wanted it, another character thought.

Which brings me back to the 12 year old victim that I met at the hospital late one night. I didn't know it then, but she would be my 1st of 2 cases that night. Receiving 2 cases in one night was very unusual. Her father and mother were their with her. I don't remember her name or even her face, but several things about that night stuck with me.

The preteen was having a relationship with an older man for several months. The guy was significantly older, in his early twenties I think. She would lie to her parents and meet up with him in the woods, where I assumed they would have sex. When her parents discovered the relationship, they immediately took her to the hospital. After I introduced myself and explained why I was there, I waited with them in the ER.

Both her father and mother were furious with her. How could you let this happen? Why didn't you tell us? She couldn't understand why they were so upset. Her father wanted to call the cops--that's why they were at the hospital. They wanted her to get a rape kit done. I tried to explain to him, that unless his daughter recently had sex, a rape kit would do no good. I remember the mother crying a lot, maybe wondering where she went wrong as a parent.

I don't remember if she thought she was in love with this man. It doesn't really matter.

Now that brings me to the question, can a 12 year old girl really ask to be sexually taken advantage of? Does the answer change if the girl is 15? How about 18? To me it doesn't but to others it might.

What are we teaching our girls and boys about sexually and respect? Now that I'll be raising a son, that thought has been on my mind. Maybe if we teach our kids the real names for their body parts, that would be a great start. How about actually teaching our kids some sex ed that isn't abstinence? Or self-pleasuring? (All at appropriate ages of course).

If we take the mystery & taboo out of sex, then our children can talk to us about it. There are many other factors involved, like the media's representation of women, but educating our girls and our boys is a good step.

Some of my mom friends think I'm a bit. . .let's say. . .too open for teaching Sophia the words vagina & penis. She just asked me about her clitoris. Of course I told her. I plan on being just as open with my baby boy. If I start early and teach both of them to respect their bodies and others' bodies, hopefully I'll get some good messages in before they become bombarded by the media.

I don't normally talk about such serious topics on my blog, so thanks for sticking through the entire post. The night with the 12 year old girl was my last night that I volunteered for the Rape Crisis Center. As I was driving home from that hospital visit, I receive another call to return to the hospital. That case was tough too, in a different way. That case I don't remember as well, but talking to the 12 year old and her family will always stick with me. I just couldn't be a volunteer anymore after that, but I'm glad for the experience I received the year I volunteered there.

The One Where Sophia Cried

Ready for the ultrasound results?

Drumroll, please.

There is a floating baby penis inside my uterus. It's a boy!

Sophia totally cried when we told her. Maybe it was because she didn't want to leave her playdate or she was tired and cranky, or maybe she just really wanted a sister. Why? Because when she plays Cinderella, she needs a sister to play her ugly stepsister. Yep, you heard it right.

This poor sibling is going be subjected to lots of torture. As any younger sibling should be--ask my younger sister.

I loved the office where we got our ultrasound done. They didn't ask me to drink a gallon of water before I came. Nope, didn't even ask me to drink any water (but I did, only because I was thirsty). They didn't push on my stomach in a painful way.

And within 2 seconds of putting the ultrasound thingy on me, the tech saw a penis. How efficient is that? I still have to back because the baby refused to cooperate and turn around. So they want to see the baby's belly just to make sure everything's okay.

Has anyone every done the 4-D ultrasound thing? I keep seeing ads for it but the baby looks sort of freaky in the pictures. Like a little alien.

And no, I'm not put a picture of the baby's penis on my blog. Even though they did give me a print out.

Time to think of boy names.

I'm Not Really Super Mom

Last night I stayed up until 4am sewing matching Heather Ross Mendocino Sundress for Sophia and me. The first one I made totally hooked me. (See bad pic of me & Chef Egg) For some reason, with this pregnancy all I want to wear are dresses.

I know the moms in my playgroup think I'm Super Mom because I'm crafty, and I like to cook. I'm not doing all of this to because I have a type A personality. Which I do, but I've relaxed a lot. Ask my husband.

I craft because I have to. If I go too long without crafting, I get antsy and restless. Somehow with this pregnancy, the urge to craft has been stronger. Maybe I'm nesting already.

I'm totally in love with this faux smocked dress that Heather Ross featured on her blog. Even Amanda Soule Blake made one. The first one I cut apart an old dress. It was so comfortable, that I wore it 2 days in a row. (I did wear it with a strapless bra since my boobies aren't quite so perky or small).

I've been digging through my stash and remembered I had this cute rayon print I bought back in college. Thankfully I had the forethought to prewash 8 years ago. From cutting out the fabric to finish, it took me about 3 hours--with lots of pee breaks in between.

I didn't use a pattern. Basically, I took a rectangular piece of fabric and cut the sides to a slight A-line so it's not so wide at the top, but leaving room for my big belly. You can definitely download the free pattern from Heather Ross. I'm just too lazy to print it out. For Sophia's dress, I just used 2 rectangular pieces.

Heather Ross also recommends that you draw your stitching lines for the shirring on your top. I'm also a bit lazy in this department. The good thing about this design is that it's very forgiving. If you don't do it exactly right, it'll still look good and fit!

Here's a trick for the shirring. It's exactly 1/4" from your needle (in its normal position) to the right (or left) edge of your sewing foot. I just used my sewing foot as guideline. Just line up your previous shirring line next to the edge of your foot.

I wanted to add a ruffle to the bottom of Sophia's dress, but at 3:30am, it was too much work.

I've never thought I'd make matching dresses for my daughter and I, but it was fun wearing them out today. We got lots of compliments. People kept asking me where I bought our dresses. I guess it's a compliment from non-sewers since they don't look handmade. Sadly most ready to wear clothes aren't made as well as the clothes I make for me.

Thank goodness Sophia liked her dress. She did complain that it wasn't long enough. You know, not princess-y enough. Can't win I guess. But she enjoy dressing like her mama. That and making funny poses for pictures.

Now that I have 2 of these dresses, would it be too much to make a 3rd?

Tomorrow is my big ultrasound. If the baby cooperates, maybe we'll see if it has a penis or not.

Making Sushi with the Spice Girls

I took Sophia to a kids sushi making class this afternoon at Whole Foods. Turns out there was an adult class later tonight. Thanks to DH rushing home from work to grab Sophia from me, I was able to take it!

Now I've made sushi rolls before, many a time. Before Sophia was born, I would hold sushi parties. Everyone brings a fish or condiment (pre-assigned before the party) and I would roll sushi. YUM! So much cheaper than eating sushi in a restaurant. I would also make fried rice or Vietnamese green papaya salad.

Gotta love the music in Whole Foods though. The Spice Girls' If You Wanna Be My Lover came on while we were rolling. That & Total Eclipse of the Heart. Talk about a trip down memory lane! (Speaking of memory lane, did you know that Seether remade WHAM!'s Careless Whisper? I mean, I love Seether, but a rock version of Careless Whisper? George Michael was so angst ridden in that song--the way it's meant to be. Plus Seether didn't hit the high note at the end)

I was totally taking the class for the sushi! I mean for $10 I got to make a ton of sushi. It was dinner for the whole family. Since this was impromptu, I didn't have my camera with me. Excuse the crappy cell phone pics. iPhone, I have not. Check it out:


Chef Egg, who teaches all the cooking classes at Whole Foods Silver Spring. I took Sophia to a kids Strawberry Shortcake class in May that she loved! I tried to pry what his real name was but he wouldn't tell me! (Pssst, that's the new dress I made from the old dress. Will try to remember to take better pics)

Chef Egg totally rocked the class! Everyone was all serious and nervous until he showed us the sushi rice spreading fingers (your thumb, forefinger, and middle finger). He used a Japanese term for it that I forget, but my favorite part was when he says, "What do those fingers say?" Then he made them move and roar. LOL! Imagine 15 adults doing that. I thought it was a riot. Chef Egg was tons of fun.


Dawt, who didn't want a pic taken but was nice enough to let me. She actually makes the sushi that you can buy fresh in the deli section. Reon was another sushi chef, but he disappeared for while and my battery on my phone was low.


Rolling towards California. A California roll, that is. I think this was one of the later ones that I made. There's some roasted sesame seeds on top. Did you know that Whole Foods offers an all-natural imitation crab? How cool is that?

We also learned to make inside out rolls. Chef Egg shared a cool trick. After you put the rice on the nori and flip it over, put a very very thin line of rice on the nori (seaweed) side so your insides don't slide out when you roll. How cool is that?

Rolling up the sushi. Pic is of person next to me. I never asked her name (bad blogger), but she was super nice! After we learned the basics, we were allowed to make as many more rolls as we wanted. I made 8 rolls all together!

We also got some edamame, seaweed salad and pickled ginger to take home too. It was very generous for $10. I mean, if you just bought sushi from their prepared section, you might get 3 rolls for $10! We also got to take home the bamboo rolling mat we used in class.

Plus we all got some Honest Tea to drink while we rolled sushi. It was good tea. Usually when I tried bottled teas they are waaaay to sweet for me. I'm a tea purist. I'd rather have good unsweetened tea (sorry Nestea). Besides Honest Tea is a local company, in Bethesda, MD.


Here's the bounty spread out on my dining table. Sophia dug right in! She loves sushi, but only eats the rice.

It was a ton of fun! Even though I've rolled sushi before, I did learn some cool tips about rolling sushi. Hubby thinks I should take some more cooking classes. I love to cook and learn new things. Sounds like a good idea, right?

Princess Presto Rocks!

So you already know that I'm not too thrilled that Sophia loves princesses. I guess I'd tolerate it better if it wasn't the Disney Princesses. They're all white and skinny (except for Jasmine who she doesn't like, and Mulan who technically isn't a princess). Sophia's not white, for sure. It'd be nice to expose her to princesses that looked similar to her. Thankfully Disney finally got the message. But that's at least a year away.

Last year we discovered PBS's Super Why! show. It was cute, funny, and of course, educational. Of course Sophia gravitated towards Princess Pea. The cool thing about Princess Pea (who transforms into Princess Presto when they are on an adventure)? She has a way with words, dark curly hair, and dark skin! Thanks to a great PBS event we attended in May, we knew to be on the lookout for Super Why toys.

I learned that Toys R Us was hosting a Super Why Play day this past weekend. (Thanks Justice Fergie & Tech Savvy Mama!) We made a point to go and Sophia was able to pick out a Princess Presto Role Play Kit. Of course she ripped into it as soon as we got into the car. I even let her wear the cape and crown all day as we finished our shopping. (She was bit disappointed that the Touch & Learn Super Duper Computer wasn't available.) As we picked up necessities in Target, she would wave her wand and "magically" make things appear. It was so cute!

All day she mentioned that even though she had her cape, crown, and wand, she wasn't really Princess Presto. So, I washed the puffy pink dress I made for her Halloween costume, and voila, instant Princess Presto! She made me put her hair in an up do just like Princess Presto too. She says all she needs is a pink purse just like the princess.

I'm so excited that she has found a non-Disney Princess as a role model. Especially a princess of color. I keep hoping that she'll outgrow the princess thing but in the mean time, I think Princess Presto is pretty cool. If you've never seen Super Why!, it's a great show for preschoolers. Super Why definitely helped Sophia learn her letters. (and ignore the dirty dishes on my kitchen counter please)

Super Why picture courtesy of PBS

Simmering

I'm still here. Just simmering. This second round of baby growing has me napping a lot. I'd sleep all day if I didn't have a bouncy 3 1/2 year old to take care of!

Tonight I'm craving chocolate milk in my favorite over sized mug. It's good old fashioned milk with Hershey's syrup. It does stir up moments of childhood.

Hubby worked all day today in an incredibly long shift--it's 11pm and he's still not home. I let Sophia take a late nap and just got her asleep.

Just finished Katherine Center's Everyone is Beautiful. It's a beautiful book. For some reason, I love reading novels about grown women who find themselves. Sometimes they are too sappy or outrageous (not in an entertaining way). This wasn't one of them. The main character was very real and believable to me. I could picture myself in her shoes.

I loved Elena's discovery that she could do something that was just her--no kids, no husband. Just her. It's a hard concept for many moms. Even harder to put into action. Plus I love that Elena's son believes that plump is beautiful--because that softness makes hugs so much better!

I'll leave you with that. Make yourself a cup of chocolate milk. I forgot how good chocolate milk is.

Handmade Mart Report

I'm so lucky that I live in an area where there's so many great things to do, especially in the summer. Today, Sophia & I met my sister and a visiting friend at Handmade Mart. I wished that I had realized my camera was at the bottom of my backpack. Alas no pictures.

The weather was just beautiful! Sophia eagerly check out all the cool vendors with me. Her favorite vendors included anyone with pink jewelry. LOL. My girly girl. Luckily, my sister gifted her with one of Isabel's Rose oh so cute lampworked cupcake beads. Of course Sophia's had much more pink on it than the picture here. (Pic shameless borrowed from Loriola's etsy shop.) She was very sweet too!

As we went to each booth, if they weren't too busy, I introduced us to the artist/crafter. Sophia was awed as I told her that this was the artist that created the items in the booth. I think it was really cool to see her connect the art of handmade items with a real person.

Eventually, she would ask herself whenever we went in a different booth. "Are you the artist that made these things?" or "You made all of these?" Screw the craft versus art debate. These wonderful vendors are artists. I want Sophia to know that being an artist doesn't mean you have to create with canvas and paint or other traditional media. She's super creative and artistic, I'm going to encourage it as much as possible!

We then shared a delicious Italian ice while enjoying the live music. I love downtown Silver Spring! I can't believe I've never had Italian ices before. It was perfect as the afternoon got warmer.

Of course I had to browse the Pyramid Atlantic Store. In addition to the great art made my local artists, they had great demos. You could silkscreen your own shirt wit the Handmade Mart logo or make some jewelry. Guess what my darling opted to do? She made a totally sparkly pink stretchy bracelet. Totally worth the $5 as I hope she'll stop wearing my jewelry.

Also kudos to blockpartypress who had a kids table at her booth. Most of the booths weren't necessarily kid friendly (even if they sold kids items). I was worried that Sophia would jumble up the displays and such. But she covered a small table with brown paper, put out a bowl of markers, as well as some polymer clay. Sophia did not want to leave her booth. The clay was a bit harder than playdough, but she still had a blast. (Pic also from blockpartypress's etsy shop)

We ended the afternoon with a yummy lunch at Lebanese Taverna, where Sophia actually ate the hummus this time. She loves hummus but sometimes decides it's a yucky food. Maybe it's a texture thing.

Seeing all of these wonderful handmade art really makes me want to create something! So I ordered some elastic thread and making a cute Heather Ross faux smocked sundress for Sophia. I thrifted a fugly dress last year. It's fuchsia and 100 % linen. I think it'll make the perfect summer dress.