Parenting in the Strangest Places

When you have a 3 year old that talks non-stop, you have the most interesting conversations in the most random places.

Head over to DC Metro Moms to see how we came to talk about sexual orientation in the bathroom of McDonald's.

No One Ever Asks to Be Raped

Several years ago, when I lived in Syracuse, NY, I volunteered for the Rape Crisis Center. I don't remember why I decided to do it, but I guess I was compelled. After a couple weekends of training, we were put on the calendar. As a volunteer, my job was to be on call after hours, so the (under)paid counselors could get a break. If any calls came in on the hot line, it was my job to talk and listen to her. Talk them out of suicide if I saw the signs. All the while making sure my phone number didn't show up on their caller ID.

The other half of my job was a bit more difficult. When a rape victim came into the hospital after hours, a volunteer advocate would sit with her (and her family if they were there) throughout the entire process. From waiting in the ER, to having a rape kit administered, to talking to doctors & nurses, as well as being released from the hospital. This process could take anywhere from a couple hours to all night.

Most nights I was on call were pretty uneventful. If I was "lucky" I got one or two calls. Maybe I would get a call to visit the hospital. It was never convenient for me when calls came in. The nights I had no plans, I wouldn't receive any calls. The nights I wanted to go out with my friends, I'd get called to the hospital. I couldn't talk about any of the calls or cases with my friends--it wasn't one of those volunteer work you did for the attention. Usually I would have no idea what happened to the callers after I spoke with them. You couldn't get emotionally attached.

Of course, if the victim did not want me there, I did not stay. Almost always, I stayed. There was no "type" of rape victim. I held hands with teenagers; women in their 30s, 50s, older; mentally disabled; and, the hardest for me, a 12 year old.

I haven't thought this volunteer job in years. Reading Anita Shreve's Testimony brought it all back. It's my first time reading one of Shreve's books, and I'm only halfway through this one. A sex scandal at an elite private boarding school is told from the points of view by all those affected.

It's a sad story. A fourteen year old girl is taped engaging in sexual acts with 3 other students, 2 of the boys are over eighteen. In most states, that's statutory rape. What really bugged me was that several characters (men and women) in novel, blamed the young girl. A vixen, one of the boys' father called her. She wanted it, another character thought.

Which brings me back to the 12 year old victim that I met at the hospital late one night. I didn't know it then, but she would be my 1st of 2 cases that night. Receiving 2 cases in one night was very unusual. Her father and mother were their with her. I don't remember her name or even her face, but several things about that night stuck with me.

The preteen was having a relationship with an older man for several months. The guy was significantly older, in his early twenties I think. She would lie to her parents and meet up with him in the woods, where I assumed they would have sex. When her parents discovered the relationship, they immediately took her to the hospital. After I introduced myself and explained why I was there, I waited with them in the ER.

Both her father and mother were furious with her. How could you let this happen? Why didn't you tell us? She couldn't understand why they were so upset. Her father wanted to call the cops--that's why they were at the hospital. They wanted her to get a rape kit done. I tried to explain to him, that unless his daughter recently had sex, a rape kit would do no good. I remember the mother crying a lot, maybe wondering where she went wrong as a parent.

I don't remember if she thought she was in love with this man. It doesn't really matter.

Now that brings me to the question, can a 12 year old girl really ask to be sexually taken advantage of? Does the answer change if the girl is 15? How about 18? To me it doesn't but to others it might.

What are we teaching our girls and boys about sexually and respect? Now that I'll be raising a son, that thought has been on my mind. Maybe if we teach our kids the real names for their body parts, that would be a great start. How about actually teaching our kids some sex ed that isn't abstinence? Or self-pleasuring? (All at appropriate ages of course).

If we take the mystery & taboo out of sex, then our children can talk to us about it. There are many other factors involved, like the media's representation of women, but educating our girls and our boys is a good step.

Some of my mom friends think I'm a bit. . .let's say. . .too open for teaching Sophia the words vagina & penis. She just asked me about her clitoris. Of course I told her. I plan on being just as open with my baby boy. If I start early and teach both of them to respect their bodies and others' bodies, hopefully I'll get some good messages in before they become bombarded by the media.

I don't normally talk about such serious topics on my blog, so thanks for sticking through the entire post. The night with the 12 year old girl was my last night that I volunteered for the Rape Crisis Center. As I was driving home from that hospital visit, I receive another call to return to the hospital. That case was tough too, in a different way. That case I don't remember as well, but talking to the 12 year old and her family will always stick with me. I just couldn't be a volunteer anymore after that, but I'm glad for the experience I received the year I volunteered there.

Comforts of Vietnamese Food

Way back when I was disillusioned by the robotic sweatshop of a theatre's costume shop, I considered going into culinary arts. I even sent for an info packet from the CIA. Sure, I love to cook and entertain, but after reading how many hours you have to put in at a restaurant, I decided just live vicariously via Top Chef. Plus telling people that I sell sex toys for a living is way cooler.

Now that I'm finally in my second trimester, I can actually eat again. Whew! I lost 8 pounds thanks to first trimester queasiness and lack of appetite. When I'm not feeling well, there's nothing like good old Vietnamese food to comfort me. I ate a lot of pho. Thank goodness there's a pho joint in walking distance. My absolute favorite is something you can't normally find in Viet restaurants, bun rieu. The pork and crab/shrimp meatballs in a tomato-shrimp broth topped with fresh cilantro and bean sprouts over bun noodles. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

My mom didn't enjoy cooking when I was young, so she discovered many shortcuts to her favorite dishes. I have no idea how authentic these dishes are with the shortcuts, but they're the flavors I grew up with. Heck, even my non-Viet hubby loves these dishes. I'm just amazed how resourceful my mom was with her meals. Both she and my father worked long hours so it was a necessity. She taught me how to cook rice (on the stove not the rice cooker) when I was 10 or 11.

Growing up, our family was pretty close. My mom had a gazillion brothers and sisters and they in turn had a gazillion kids (ok not that many but a lot). Our family was on the small side since my parents only had 2 kids. Every Sunday, we went over to my oldest aunt's home. The women would cook enough food to feed us all day. Every week it was something different, but sooo yummy. The men would sit on the floor in the living room, drink, eat, and gossip. The women would sit with the kids, always serving themselves last. After we ate, the oldest girls did the dishes (meaning mainly me).

Then we'd pull out the cards or the Viet bingo cards and spend the rest of the afternoon gambling, laughing, and nibbling on leftovers. As we older kids became teenagers, these afternoons weren't cool enough for us, of course. We didn't get together as often anymore. Family started to move more further away. That magic seemed to dissipate. I guess that's just how things evolve.

Even though we're too far away to join my parents for their monthly family gatherings, somehow eating my childhood Vietnamese comfort foods make me feel closer to them. Especially as DH, Sophia and I sit at the dinner table together. Sophia loves pho and many other Vietnamese food. I'm glad to be passing on this tasty part of her heritage to her.

What's with all these thoughts about comfort foods? Over at Silicon Valley Moms Blogs, we're reading Kate Jacobs' newest book, Comfort Food and talking about comfort. Check it out!

Photo from sushi4viki via Flickr.

The One Where Spike Takes Off His Shirt

Okay, so Top Chef'sSpike didn't take his shirt off, but he almost did. I had a fabulous time at Spike's restaurant tonight, The Good Stuff Eatery. Hung out with some fabulous DC bloggers. Ate some really good burgers! Thanks to Sarah & Devra for setting everything up! And thanks for Quaker for sponsoring it.

More detailed report later, but here's a couple of pics to tide you over. For more, head to my Flickr page.

Win an Epson printer!

One of the other blogs I write for, DC Metro Moms is giving away a totally cool Epson Artisan 800 printer. Make sure to hop over and enter to win. Tech Savvy Mama wrote a great review. Looks like a great printer for craft projects too.

Don't forget to enter my giveaway for tickets to the International Spy Museum. And I just found out the tickets are good until Nov 19, 2009!

Day 2: A jaunt to NYC & a commitment to myself

photo by Stuck in Customs

I haven't been to NYC since I lived in Syracuse, over 5 years ago. Sunday, Leapfrog invited the Northeast and mid-Atlantic moms from the Silicon Valley moms group to the Four Seasons in NYC for a lively discussion on children and technology. And of course, great swag, but I'll get to that a bit later.

Some moms mentioned they had early readers. Meaning their child started reading at 3 years old! It's amazing, isn't it? Then you start comparing. But I can't let myself get sucked into what other children's milestones are. I just have to relax and follow Sophia's lead. (There's the breathing again) We spoke of how important it is to have a balance of technology and cloth dolls & wooden blocks. I've been reluctant to let Sophia play computer games; I feel guilty enough that she watches too much tv. I can't ignore that fact that computers are everywhere. It's part of her generation. So as long as I take the time to instill the love real books and play dough, I think she'll be ok. I just can't ignore her desire to be like me and play on the computer.

That's where Leapfrog comes in. They were generous enough to gift me with their new Tag Reading System. It's a pen that reads to your child, asks comprehension questions, and more. It also have many different books you can buy and download the story into the pen. It looks like a great way help little ones learn how to read.The best part is, that you can read the books with or without the pen. I'm going to let her try it out tomorrow and see how she likes it. The true test will be whether she'll still play with it in a week.

I've never really explored Leapfrog's website either. (And they twitter). Did you know that have a great section with learning tips? And now there's a new community where you can chat with other parents and share ideas. Leapfrog is also sharing a discounts for all of my blog readers. Save $10 off $50 or more. Just enter code HY8BHPR at checkout!

New York City is an amazing place! It's always moving. There's people everywhere. I used to love going there to see Broadway shows. However, I'm a small town gal deep down and that hurry-up-vibe would start to affect me. I'd feel rushed. I guess I've come a long way. My friend & I drove from Maryland to NYC to attend the Leapfrog event. She was the perfect person to drive up with. Driving in the New York is no small feat, but she was cool and calm. She didn't let all the other cars rush her. When we street we needed turn on was closed off & the GPS didn't have a signal, we didn't panic. I think 5 years ago I might have a little stressed in that situation.
I had an entire day all to myself. My friend & I had a great time chatting during the four hour drive. Why let a little bit of traffic stress me out?

Day 2 is about creating a commitment to myself. What do I want to commit to doing daily that will empower me? There were so many daily actions that I wanted to do: watch less tv, less computer time. . .but I knew that I have to take it one step at a time. I realized that I needed to create time for myself. My commitment is in the same vein of my intention I voiced yesterday.

Everyday for the next 27 days, I shall sit down with a cup of tea for at least 15 minutes and read a book just for enjoyment. I love to read and nowadays, I just sneak it in. I deserve this time for me!

What about you? What would you do for 28 days that will empower you or make you feel truer to your real self?

What a party!

I'm totally late blogging about the fabulous party with the DC Metro Moms! Last week, we were able to let our hair down, hang out in a grown-up establishment, and talk to other moms. Can you imagine that? Usually when I'm out on Friday nights, I'm doing a Passion Party. Thanks to Chevy, the food and Blue Moon flowed all night long.

I got to hang out with Justice Fergie (she lives 2 minutes away and I hard ever get to see her), Jessica, Leticia, as well as meet some more fun hip mom bloggers.

Though the party was last Friday, it started the week before that for me. Thanks to the wonderful Nicole, our organizer, I was given the chance to drive a Chevy Traverse for a week! (Thanks Chevy). It was fun to test drive it. Sophia fell in love with it too. Even though I had to give the Traverse back after the party, she still asked me about it all this week. What did she miss the most? The in-the-door cupholder that was next to her carseat. LOL.

I was pretty impressed by the Traverse. Now, my regular car is an old Toyota Corolla, so driving the SUV crossover took some getting used too. For one thing, I felt pretty dang tall. It also had a rear camera for when I'm in reverse, XM radio (though all I got to listen to was XMKids), a navigation system (which I never used, partially because I never took the time to figure it out and there was no manual in the glove box), a DVD player, and a ton of other features. Oh, yeah, and lots of cup holders. Apparently that's important. My main concern with is it gas mileage is only 17 mpg for city driving.

The first night I had the car, we did a bit of shopping and of course stopped at the nearest Krispy Kreme--which is 30 minutes away, so it's definitely a treat. (God I love it when the Hot Sign is on) On our way home, as I took the entry ramp onto a busy highway, I ran over a raccoon. Yep, I confess. I ran it over. I just remember the mantra from my days working for an insurance agent: if you swerve and miss, it's your fault-hit it. So I did. I'm sorry little guy (ok, it wasn't so little). The Traverse went over it like it was a pebble. Gross I know. Afterwards, I told hubby that if we had been in my little Corolla, we might not have been so lucky. Who knows what would have happened?

Thankfully the rest of my week was uneventful in the SUV. Chevy was wonderful enough to send designated drivers to take us home, so no worries with all the free booze.

Side note on the raccoon--hubby calls me the Animal Killer. I've killed birds, squirrels, and hedgehogs in my car. Yeah, I know I grew up in boonie-ville Louisiana, and roadkill is common. But it's still traumatizing. I mean I was only 16 when I ran over my first hedgehog. I don't need therapy for that, right?

Take a trip

Today I'm blogging over at DC Metro Moms. Check it out and feel free to leave a comment.

Thank you all of you placed orders yesterday!