Several years ago, when I lived in Syracuse, NY, I volunteered for the Rape Crisis Center. I don't remember why I decided to do it, but I guess I was compelled. After a couple weekends of training, we were put on the calendar. As a volunteer, my job was to be on call after hours, so the (under)paid counselors could get a break. If any calls came in on the hot line, it was my job to talk and listen to her. Talk them out of suicide if I saw the signs. All the while making sure my phone number didn't show up on their caller ID.
The other half of my job was a bit more difficult. When a rape victim came into the hospital after hours, a volunteer advocate would sit with her (and her family if they were there) throughout the entire process. From waiting in the ER, to having a rape kit administered, to talking to doctors & nurses, as well as being released from the hospital. This process could take anywhere from a couple hours to all night.
Most nights I was on call were pretty uneventful. If I was "lucky" I got one or two calls. Maybe I would get a call to visit the hospital. It was never convenient for me when calls came in. The nights I had no plans, I wouldn't receive any calls. The nights I wanted to go out with my friends, I'd get called to the hospital. I couldn't talk about any of the calls or cases with my friends--it wasn't one of those volunteer work you did for the attention. Usually I would have no idea what happened to the callers after I spoke with them. You couldn't get emotionally attached.
Of course, if the victim did not want me there, I did not stay. Almost always, I stayed. There was no "type" of rape victim. I held hands with teenagers; women in their 30s, 50s, older; mentally disabled; and, the hardest for me, a 12 year old.
I haven't thought this volunteer job in years. Reading
Anita Shreve's Testimony brought it all back. It's my first time reading one of Shreve's books, and I'm only halfway through this one. A sex scandal at an elite private boarding school is told from the points of view by all those affected.
It's a sad story. A fourteen year old girl is taped engaging in sexual acts with 3 other students, 2 of the boys are over eighteen. In most states, that's statutory rape. What really bugged me was that several characters (men and women) in novel, blamed the young girl. A vixen, one of the boys' father called her. She wanted it, another character thought.
Which brings me back to the 12 year old victim that I met at the hospital late one night. I didn't know it then, but she would be my 1st of 2 cases that night. Receiving 2 cases in one night was very unusual. Her father and mother were their with her. I don't remember her name or even her face, but several things about that night stuck with me.
The preteen was having a relationship with an older man for several months. The guy was significantly older, in his early twenties I think. She would lie to her parents and meet up with him in the woods, where I assumed they would have sex. When her parents discovered the relationship, they immediately took her to the hospital. After I introduced myself and explained why I was there, I waited with them in the ER.
Both her father and mother were furious with her.
How could you let this happen? Why didn't you tell us? She couldn't understand why they were so upset. Her father wanted to call the cops--that's why they were at the hospital. They wanted her to get a rape kit done. I tried to explain to him, that unless his daughter recently had sex, a rape kit would do no good. I remember the mother crying a lot, maybe wondering where she went wrong as a parent.
I don't remember if she thought she was in love with this man. It doesn't really matter.
Now that brings me to the question, can a 12 year old girl really ask to be sexually taken advantage of? Does the answer change if the girl is 15? How about 18? To me it doesn't but to others it might.
What are we teaching our girls and boys about sexually and respect? Now that I'll be
raising a son, that thought has been on my mind. Maybe if we teach our kids the
real names for their body parts, that would be a great start. How about actually teaching our kids some sex ed that isn't abstinence? Or self-pleasuring? (All at appropriate ages of course).
If we take the mystery & taboo out of sex, then our children can talk to us about it. There are many other factors involved, like the media's representation of women, but educating our girls and our boys is a good step.
Some of my mom friends think I'm a bit. . .let's say. . .too open for teaching Sophia the words
vagina & penis. She just asked me about her
clitoris. Of course I told her. I plan on being just as open with my baby boy. If I start early and teach both of them to respect their bodies and others' bodies, hopefully I'll get some good messages in before they become bombarded by the media.
I don't normally talk about such serious topics on my blog, so thanks for sticking through the entire post. The night with the 12 year old girl was my last night that I volunteered for the Rape Crisis Center. As I was driving home from that hospital visit, I receive another call to return to the hospital. That case was tough too, in a different way. That case I don't remember as well, but talking to the 12 year old and her family will always stick with me. I just couldn't be a volunteer anymore after that, but I'm glad for the experience I received the year I volunteered there.
last week (in 2 days). It was a rather intriguing novel. I'll share my thoughts with you in another post. Now I'm working on 
. I just received 2 of my 3 books for the Elle Reader review program. My reviews for those are due January 14th. I better get reading!
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